Flashbacks and Whatnot

Without warning and with fast and furious power, flashbacks have riddled my mind with a sense of reality I thought was long gone.

Celiac and the Junk Food Junkie

This was my lunch today:

We were at a family party yesterday and there were leftover veggies--I suppose maybe it was the drool dribbling down my chin that clued my niece to ask if I'd like to bring them home. 

WHO AM I AND WHAT DID I DO WITH ME?

Me. Drooling over fresh vegetables. Me. The person to whom everyone would send all the cookies and cakes and candy leftovers. Me. The person would be perfectly happy with a day full of cookies only for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. 

Oh Celiac, look what you've done to me!

Not a day goes by that I don't have some type of fruits or vegetables. This is astounding! I'm still sorting through this new world of being gluten-free and certainly still have my doubts and concerns, but something about this must be good. I'm reading labels and increasingly avoiding those that have things that are too hard to pronounce or soy which I believe is more of a culprit in our health than gluten but that's another story.

My first steps into gluten free cooking brought me to the store and this was my cart:

My eyes were crossing, my head was spinning and my wallet was CLEANED OUT. The pizza I made wasn't bad but definitely needed improvement. 

I've tried to concoct and improvise: 

First bread attempt, only weighed about 50 pounds lol!

I read articles. I looked at pictures. I pinterested. I read blogs. As I realized converting my recipes over to gluten free was going to take a while, that strange thing I eluded to as this started happened. I began to eat fruit and raw vegetables. Finally I tried roasting some veggies with olive oil and a little seasoning, and a beautiful new relationship began. Never did I realize the burst of flavor that comes from a bite of roasted cauliflower with olive oil, fresh garlic, tomatoes, and seasoning. I had no idea the lusciousness baked zucchini with tomatoes and mozzarella held! What a wonderful (foody) world!

Don't worry, I've discovered Cup4Cup flour and through experimenting with it, I've been able to have my cookies, too--and no one can tell they are gluten free! 

White Chip Pumpkin Muffins

Cream Cheese Cookies

Chocolate Chip Cookies

And breads. Yes, breads are coming along. These rolls were made using Gluten Free on a Shoestring Nicole's recipe from her cookbook:

 

 Much more to come, stay tuned!

I am a Celiac

I can say that and begin to finally accept it, simply because, ya gotta admit, it sounds like something goofy that I would say when I'm just goofing around. Only it isn't goofy and I'm not goofing around.

Celiac disease isn't a diagnosis that is considered to be horrific, and it is usually controllable through extreme vigilance in anything and everything a person ingests. Here's the problem I see with it: so many people are being flippantly diagnosed that the disease (or syndrome, properly) has taken on an almost cavalier type of dismissal. I am guilty of being a naysayer. My mom was suddenly diagnosed this past spring and, while it did seem to make sense because of the painful esophagus problems she has had for years, it did NOT make sense to me to be tested as she kept insisting. My mom learned more about Celiac and went to support groups and went gluten free. Her doctors and new support buddies told her Celiac is genetic and that her kids should be tested as should their children. I scoffed. I read a little, considered it, but put it all off. I didn't have stomach problems after all, how could I possibly have Celiac? Mom told me, and I read, about people that have no outward symptoms yet Celiac was silently doing damage to the intestines and/or laying the groundwork for cancers to form. Still I didn't get tested, even after my own initial bloodwork showed I was ANA positive. (ANA testing is an initial marker, and somewhat debatable test, for autoimmune disease)

No stomach problems, I insisted!

Those pains I'd get that would leave me doubled over in pain and render me immobile?

"Oh, that's just gas," I'd say.

The awful and embarrassing flatulence (that's right, I'm using the correct word) and burping?

"That's just me being me trying to be both the woman and the man of the house," I'd say. Embarrassed.

The sores in my mouth? The cavities and messed up teeth?

"Not enough vitamins," "It was the asthma medicine that did it," I'd rationalize.

Vitamin D ridiculously low (it has been as low as 7, is now "up" to 17, normal is above 30) and severe anemia?

"Um, well..."

Aches and pains 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? 'Fever days' as I've called them with low fever for a day or as long as a week or 2? Inexplicable dizziness? Exhaustion that feels like hitting a a steel enforced concrete wall?

Okay, it was time to follow up and find out what was going on, even though I was still skeptical because I had a reason/excuse for every problem that had popped up. When I went in to get the results of the Celiac screen lab report, I'm not sure who was more surprised--my Dr. or me. Not only did I test positive for all antibodies, I scored out of the park on a couple..typical overachieving test-taker, I always was in school.

Stay tuned, more to come.

My thought for today

The barriers in place are mine, only I can push through them. As soon as I fully grasp that I can walk through I will realize it won't hurt; summoning the courage to believe that, is the block.

Just me and my thoughts...

"By trying to heal that hurt I am rejecting a large piece of me."--L.R. 1-2-11
Learning that rather than trying to heal the past I need to accept it as real, genuine, and the past; I can not change it or fix it, it happened and now it is time to leave it behind. The pain is as much a part of me as the joy; who I am now came from all that has been before.

Connections for Freedom from Domestic Violence

I am a domestic violence survivor, now a full time college student pursuing a law degree. Providence House helped make that a reality for me with the services given to myself and my children. Providence House Outreach http://providencehousenj.org provides support and counseling to clients. I was given the education and support to understand the effects and realities of domestic violence, and my children were also provided the same. The Outreach center staff presents domestic violence support groups, parenting groups, as well as individual counseling. Through Providence House and my own internet connection I was able to keep myself informed and safe; I want the same for other women on the same difficult journey.

Internet safety is being recognized as critical to protecting oneself in domestic violence situations(www.ncadv.org) Victims may use the internet to email friends/family where they are, discuss attempts to leave, research options for help; the abuser can find this information, putting the victim at higher risk of violence. Internet access opens doors-to domestic violence education (how to heal, handling the court process, getting help), and to a viable future through online schools or certificate programs. These modems also act as flash drives so important information can be saved on them.

If you or someone you know can help in any way possible, please do! You can donate via paypal, I will message you with the account. Thank you so much for any help you may be able to give.

GOALS ($5000)

• To provide at least 10 wireless no contract modems to Providence House

• To provide at least two prepaid service cardswith each modem

• Purchase 2 laptops (net books) for clients to use, at the Outreach Center.

PROJECT PLAN

• 10 modems $500
  

• Two 3-month prepaid internet service cards per modem $2400

• Two laptop computers to be kept at the Outreach Center $1100
  

• The remainder of the money would be there to purchase lost or damaged modems during the year.

Requirements to receive the modems would include:

• Client must sign an agreement that only the client and/or client's children will use the modem, and that modem use is temporary.

• client must sign an agreement acknowledging internet safety

• modem will be given with a list of helpful DV websites

• clients must participate in ongoing support groups at Providence House Outreach Center, to receive a modem (with staff approval)

Poetry

Words are swirling around my head, its been years since I've had the inspiration. That's not a good word to describe this-its not inspiration, its a need that I can not deny. Just by typing out the first one my head is already clearing just a bit. I'm also going to start posting some of my older poetry; if you like them, spread the word for me. I'd love to get published and am looking into it, for now publishing on here will suffice.