Faith...

Or lack thereof? I can't say necessarily that I'm questioning my faith; I know believe completely, with all of my heart and all of my mind, that God is in control, that only God has the power. I suppose it could be that I am pondering the strength of my faith in some way. Am I not believing strongly enough? Am I still trying to control too many things? Am I misenterpreting messages? Maybe I need to re-read the story of Jacob and how he wrestled with it all. No, I'm not liking myself to Jacob--although actually, maybe we are all like Jacob, searching and wrestling with all that should be plainly visible to us. When I was younger, growing up, I had these recurring dreams that were centered around God and my belief in Him. They were powerful and, while I can absolutely remember the dream in detail, I wish the dream would return to me, because I can't quite "feel" it. There is a point in the dream where I put my hand in God's hand and the warmth, love, and security I would feel were the most comforting feelings I had ever felt. Maybe I have a block on it, because I simply can not call up that feeling. I need to find a way to tap back into that, and allow myself to fully believe that I can let Him guide me. I just can't find a way to take recent events and make sense of it all.